TODAY'S TECHNOLOGY
It's Making Me Ding-e
I can still see the picture in my high school biology book of Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov’s experiment with that desperate dog. Remember how it started to salivate every time it heard a bell because it had been conditioned with food?
Well, some may think I’m a ding-a-ling in my older age, but I swear something is going on.
Could there be a crazy scientist, a wicked government plot or an evil Mastermind trying to take over the World by using bells to condition us? I’ve always had ringing in my ears, but in the last several years I’ve been hearing “dings” all the time — even when there aren’t any!!! How about you?
I do know there’s some grotesque creature living inside the pump at our local gas station. When I put my credit card in the slot, a loud bell vibrates under the metal awning, and then some dystopian voice tries to convince me to join a point system.
And my car? If I forget to put my seatbelt on, it starts clanging until I actually restrain myself. I’ve broken out in a panicky sweat while using a pretzel-like move to hide my awful transgression from the passing police.
At times, I think my Kitchen is part of the Master Mind’s covert team too. It’s definitely trying to take control of me. The refrigerator dings if I don’t close its door fast enough, and the microwave buzzes when it wants me to flip the food. The coffeemaker sounds off when starting the next cycle -- whether I’m ready or not. Sometimes the dishwasher dings if I just walk by it.
There are dings on my smartphone for texts, daily meditations, FB messages & new Instagram followers. I do put my phone in another room when I go to bed, but sometimes I jump up in the middle of the night if I hear a ding — or I think I hear a ding. My daughter says I should just turn off all notifications. But someone could need me, right?
I’m no dummy so I tried to outsmart the Mind Controllers by changing the ringtone on my cellphone to a song; but now when I hear Abba’s “You are the Dancing Queen, Young and sweet, Only seventeen, ” I move even faster »»»»»»»
Maybe I should see a doctor for my “Phantom Vibration Syndrome. ” PVS is actually a thing. It refers to the false perception that one's mobile phone or other technological device is vibrating when it is not. Most often associated with excessive mobile phone use, it has been described as a hallucination as the brain perceives the vibration that is not present. Oh dear…
How do I know the medical establishment, however, isn’t in on this diabolical conspiracy too ?!?!?
Wink!
At least there IS some good news — I haven’t started drooling on myself yet.
It’ll Be OK.
~~~
“Is it just me or does this ATM giggle every time I make a withdrawal?” ~ Maxine
COMMENT: Have you been conditioned to be afraid of something because of a bad experience?
I have turned off a lot of the dings but my husband always has them coming from all the devices on his side of the room and when they happen while I'm trying to sleep I can become quite unpleasant! And the kitchen dings? Who needs that kind of pressure? I'll get around to closing the refrigerator and retrieving my warmed up coffee from the microwave eventually, even if it's the next day! Ha! I always love your humorous approach to life, Jan!
Between the phone, the iPad, and the computer something always seems to be dinging - with the same message three times. I'd turn them of - but then I might miss something.