Hi Jan, I read an article recently, The Seduction of Adult Gossip, which introduced me to the 4 GATES OF SPEECH. I've been experimenting with that as my guide.
Awesome guide, Janice! We all know sorting, categorizing, judging are part of critical thinking, but the Necessary, Timing, Kindness are definitely important parts to the process I sometimes forget. Thanks!!!
These days, Jan, I'm able to realize BEFORE I speak that I'm starting to go down that old judgemental path, and stop myself (sometimes I need to inwardly gag myself) from saying that which could be taken as being judgemental.
Even more helpful than that though,there are many times when I don't even FEEL judgemental toward someone's actions that would have previously elicited at least some form of inner rebuttal. One of my most valuable learnings from Graham and Kerry has been how to widen out and view what's happening from a different perspective. When I'm in this space I can literally rise above it all and not get sucked into the fray.
Oh, Pam, I'm so glad you got that lesson from GW and KJ. They're certainly two awesome young guys still experimenting with Life. I learned it many years ago in grad school -- counselors can't be judgmental -- but I slip every once in awhile -- especially when someone messes with The Supremes. Ha Ha! Just kidding. Self awareness is one of the keys happiness. {{Hugs}}
Jan, I've "known" that the judgemental thing doesn't work for years, but I couldn't seem to put my knowledge to use in some of my actual situations. It wasn't until I heard Graham and Kerry talking about using a different perspective to view the problem in front of me that something literally clicked inside me. I could feel the shift as my new awareness soared up above, and I was suddenly looking down on a different vision entirely. I really don't know how to explain or describe what happened in me any better than that, though I bet Graham or Kerry could.
Don't forget the book you recommended by Dr. Bolte Taylor!! You need to get your four brain characters together in a huddle and let them work it out. I think one of the left ones was letting memories get in the way of a good time in the present. Glad your husband stepped in to drag your right brain into the fray. ;)
You are definitely right!!! My little Character 3 I call Zippy got bogged down by Left Brain. My Characters 1 & 2 I call Mrs. Stoneburner and Janet Lee, who have been a director & blessed audience member, took over. It's really funny that my husband can do that for me. He is as Left Brained as they come. So glad you are enjoying Dr. Jill's book. xoxo
Well Jan, I love all the old MoTown songs, and yes we can be so judgmental, but I hope I stay "Stoned Love" when "I Hear a Symphony" of the Holy Spirit's voice correcting me if and when I do. I hope I hear God's voice correctly, and it's NOT "Just My Imagination" or "I Can't Help Myself." Can you tell I love the Motown sound? I really dig it! But seriously, I really don't like to judge anyone as I want to show "RESPECT" to everyone. We need a little more of that. So let's "Be Young, Be Foolish, but "Be Happy!" Okay - I'll leave it there. Ain't that good to know?
Jan, I totally understand how you felt at the concert! In similar circumstances I never thought about the fact that I was being judgemental! However, as you said it is judging when disappointed at an event like that. It makes me reconsider and review the idea of not judging others! Thanks for giving me a new way of thinking.
Hi Harriet ~ I think it's those teacher brains trained to correct that get us into trouble sometimes. ha ha! Judging is natural, but it's what you do with it that can cause the problem. xoxo
Great Read, again! What was your question? Some thing about judgmental? I try not to be judgmental anymore. I do a gratitude meditation every morning before I get out of bed. That goes further with me than being judgmental.
$338 a ticket to see a live concert makes my blood boil! I'm having a hard time justifying viewing live entertainment these days. I went to see the Killers (live) over in Detroit last year. It was around the same you paid, and I was okay with it. Except. I sat behind some knuckle head who stood for the entire show. We were on the ground so I couldn't stand on the chair, though tempted. I didn't want to be rude to those behind me. During the last song he turned around and asked," Can you see okaY?" My husband squeezed my arm so tight it hurt, before I could answer! ) One of the reasons I really want to move out of the US is to enjoy reasonably priced entertainment. (The Killers did put on a Las Vegas style show, I'll probably never see another like this again outside of Las Vegas - the shows there are in the $500 range and up - but I know the seating and entertainment are world class so now you've got me thinking about spending the time and money to see one, one more time.) Great read!
I think that this gets difficult as we get older. I am finding that I don’t care as much what other people think and my patience run very thin. I used to be really good at empathy. I need to work more on that again and trying to be respectful (The Golden Rule) and put myself in their shoes as much as I can.
Hi Jan, I read an article recently, The Seduction of Adult Gossip, which introduced me to the 4 GATES OF SPEECH. I've been experimenting with that as my guide.
TRUE: Is what I have to say true?
NECESSARY: Is what I have to say necessary?
TIMING: Is now the appropriate time to say this?
KINDNESS: Is what I'm saying kind?
Awesome guide, Janice! We all know sorting, categorizing, judging are part of critical thinking, but the Necessary, Timing, Kindness are definitely important parts to the process I sometimes forget. Thanks!!!
It's hard not to do it, but when it crosses my mind, I try to put myself in the other person's shoes. 🤗
Good way to do it!!! Xoxo
These days, Jan, I'm able to realize BEFORE I speak that I'm starting to go down that old judgemental path, and stop myself (sometimes I need to inwardly gag myself) from saying that which could be taken as being judgemental.
Even more helpful than that though,there are many times when I don't even FEEL judgemental toward someone's actions that would have previously elicited at least some form of inner rebuttal. One of my most valuable learnings from Graham and Kerry has been how to widen out and view what's happening from a different perspective. When I'm in this space I can literally rise above it all and not get sucked into the fray.
Forgot to add: keeping a gratitude journal or writing a joyful blog (*wink) can really change one's perspective too. xoxo
Oh, Pam, I'm so glad you got that lesson from GW and KJ. They're certainly two awesome young guys still experimenting with Life. I learned it many years ago in grad school -- counselors can't be judgmental -- but I slip every once in awhile -- especially when someone messes with The Supremes. Ha Ha! Just kidding. Self awareness is one of the keys happiness. {{Hugs}}
Jan, I've "known" that the judgemental thing doesn't work for years, but I couldn't seem to put my knowledge to use in some of my actual situations. It wasn't until I heard Graham and Kerry talking about using a different perspective to view the problem in front of me that something literally clicked inside me. I could feel the shift as my new awareness soared up above, and I was suddenly looking down on a different vision entirely. I really don't know how to explain or describe what happened in me any better than that, though I bet Graham or Kerry could.
I say timing in life is everything. You were ready for that ah ha moment. I’ve had some of those. It’s wonderful!!!
Don't forget the book you recommended by Dr. Bolte Taylor!! You need to get your four brain characters together in a huddle and let them work it out. I think one of the left ones was letting memories get in the way of a good time in the present. Glad your husband stepped in to drag your right brain into the fray. ;)
You are definitely right!!! My little Character 3 I call Zippy got bogged down by Left Brain. My Characters 1 & 2 I call Mrs. Stoneburner and Janet Lee, who have been a director & blessed audience member, took over. It's really funny that my husband can do that for me. He is as Left Brained as they come. So glad you are enjoying Dr. Jill's book. xoxo
Well Jan, I love all the old MoTown songs, and yes we can be so judgmental, but I hope I stay "Stoned Love" when "I Hear a Symphony" of the Holy Spirit's voice correcting me if and when I do. I hope I hear God's voice correctly, and it's NOT "Just My Imagination" or "I Can't Help Myself." Can you tell I love the Motown sound? I really dig it! But seriously, I really don't like to judge anyone as I want to show "RESPECT" to everyone. We need a little more of that. So let's "Be Young, Be Foolish, but "Be Happy!" Okay - I'll leave it there. Ain't that good to know?
LOVE, LOVE your comment!!! We are definitely Soul Sisters. xoxo
Jan, I totally understand how you felt at the concert! In similar circumstances I never thought about the fact that I was being judgemental! However, as you said it is judging when disappointed at an event like that. It makes me reconsider and review the idea of not judging others! Thanks for giving me a new way of thinking.
Hi Harriet ~ I think it's those teacher brains trained to correct that get us into trouble sometimes. ha ha! Judging is natural, but it's what you do with it that can cause the problem. xoxo
Oldies But Goodies, we are for certain! Another good one, Jan!
I just light up when I hear The Supremes. Takes me back to the days of the Village Drive In Restaurant. Ha! {{Hugs}}
Great Read, again! What was your question? Some thing about judgmental? I try not to be judgmental anymore. I do a gratitude meditation every morning before I get out of bed. That goes further with me than being judgmental.
Have a great day. Blessings my friend.
$338 a ticket to see a live concert makes my blood boil! I'm having a hard time justifying viewing live entertainment these days. I went to see the Killers (live) over in Detroit last year. It was around the same you paid, and I was okay with it. Except. I sat behind some knuckle head who stood for the entire show. We were on the ground so I couldn't stand on the chair, though tempted. I didn't want to be rude to those behind me. During the last song he turned around and asked," Can you see okaY?" My husband squeezed my arm so tight it hurt, before I could answer! ) One of the reasons I really want to move out of the US is to enjoy reasonably priced entertainment. (The Killers did put on a Las Vegas style show, I'll probably never see another like this again outside of Las Vegas - the shows there are in the $500 range and up - but I know the seating and entertainment are world class so now you've got me thinking about spending the time and money to see one, one more time.) Great read!
I think that this gets difficult as we get older. I am finding that I don’t care as much what other people think and my patience run very thin. I used to be really good at empathy. I need to work more on that again and trying to be respectful (The Golden Rule) and put myself in their shoes as much as I can.