LOSING CONTROL AS YOU AGE

The Back Seat View

Do you think you have to hang on tight in Life? Be super-organized? Be in charge all the time so your world won’t fly out of control?? I used to…

I spent 30 years standing in the front of a classroom trying to control everything —- especially the ornery high schoolers AND the lackadaisical ones, trying to convince them both that they really loved reading novels like John Steinbeck’s Grapes of Wrath. My husband spent more than 40 years and 3 million miles towering over those “crazy four-wheelers” as he called them, hoping he could keep from running over the ones who put their brakes on in front of his loaded 80,000-pound rig.

I was a bit surprised then when I saw my truck driver hubby actually smiling as he paid the taxi driver $148 for taking us from LAX to the Double Tree Hilton in downtown Fullerton, California recently —- a mere 35 miles.

What happened? Well, as we’ve aged, we’ve relaxed and discovered Life can still be very enjoyable “riding in the back seat.”

Our wonderful granddaughter Hannah and her awesome fiancé Michael Allen were married last weekend. We had so much fun being there as grandparents.

We weren’t responsible; we weren’t in control. We had nothing to fear. It was amazing!!

When Michael’s sister brought out the microphone at the rehearsal dinner, the old master-of-ceremony inside me didn’t even react. I just sat back eating another portobello mushroom fajita, more crispy brussels sprouts and a few more fried plantain while laughing at Hannah and Michael’s college friends sharing stories from their University of Michigan’s Marching Band days. The trumpets and trombones must have been a hoot back then.

I have to admit I did sit up a little straighter in my chair when one of Michael’s former roommates teased how they all thought he was the most brilliant person they knew —until they met Hannah. Ha!

As grandparents, we sat behind Hannah’s parents at the outdoor wedding, focusing on the beauty around us. My husband took my hand as Hannah and Michael pledged their love for each other. We could see the twinkle in their eyes. And he proudly squeezed my fingers as Hannah’s mom, our daughter, sang “May The Lord Bless You And Keep You.”

It was such a calm feeling. I didn’t worry like I used to if the guests would show up — if there would be enough food, if people would enjoy themselves, if people would like me. To be honest, I wasn’t a bit nervous during this lovely ceremony.

Not like the time I almost made a fool out of myself at our daughter’s senior piano recital at Miami University. No one told me pianists would leave the stage between movements so I panicked. I was just getting up to make some outrageous excuse to the audience for her leaving when she returned, bowed and began playing again. Oh boy, what a young, nervous mother may have done. Yikes!

Table #2 was a perfect place for us to sit at the reception. It was full of reflections. It was fun celebrating and sharing childhood stories about Hannah and Michael. I’ve always loved telling people about the time when Hannah was a toddler, and I was giving her a bath. ( Remember how I told you people thought she was brilliant?!) Well, she told me to pour cold water over her — and I did it! I’ve always thought she was smarter than me. And then there was another toddler- time she curled up beside me on the couch crying. I asked, “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

And she sobbed, “My mom is invading my personal space.” What? I didn’t know toddlers had personal space.

After the toasts and a delicious dinner, the newly-married couple asked all the married couples to join them in an anniversary dance. As the DJ began asking couples who had been married less than 5 years, than 10 years, then 20 and so forth to leave the dance floor, I started wondering if we’d be the longest married couple there. Yep, 57 years going on 58 next month amazed the other guests. Once again, for a moment, we were front & center. It was a wonderful tribute. One middle-aged woman came up to me, however. “Congratulations! Those are amazing orange shoes you’re wearing. I’m surprised you can dance in those heels at your age.”

I laughed out loud, “Yes, I probably should be more careful. I don’t want to break a hip.”

When we went back to our seats, I fondly touched my mom’s jewelry that I was wearing. Hannah and Michael will never know the woman who made me love colorful shoes. But because she lived, we were there — making memories.

My husband and I spent the day at Huntington Beach before we flew home. We sat on a bench behind the rails on the iconic 1850 ft. Pier — looking at the Pacific Ocean for the first time — letting the sun warm our wrinkling faces. “Honey, you know Life is like that ocean. You can’t control the waves,” I hinted, “but look how much fun the surfers are still having.”

“Yes,” my husband nodded. “We should enjoy the ride. Oh, and by the way, I think we should take an Uber to the airport tomorrow since we know how to use the App now. It’s a helluva lot cheaper than that taxi. It’s only $77, and I’m glad someone else besides me will be driving through morning traffic.”

Well, I had to giggle. I guess some things never change. But I can guarantee you that some things do as you age — and, believe me, the view from the back seat can be really awesome.

So trust that if you loosen your anxious grip on the world just a little bit ~

It’ll Be OK.

~~~

“At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don’t care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.” ~ Ann Landers

QUESTION: Are you a control freak or do you go with the flow?