There he was a lanky, long-haired junior sprawled face down across his desk, snoring loudly. I was stunned. I had prepared a great lesson, and he was sleeping right through it?!? All the other students were enjoying the Point-Counterpoint discussion. I think they were shocked, however, when I poured a glass of water over the snoozing kid’s head, and he sputtered back to life.
“Oh, excuse me, was I boring you?” I asked in a tone dripping with sarcasm.
When I told my mentor that story in grad school, he actually woke ME up to my twisted thinking.
“Jan, why were you so upset with that one kid?”
“I worked hard. I wanted the students to like the class. And he WAS sleeping. ”
“Well, what about the 25 kids who weren’t sleeping? Don’t you think you’re giving that one kid a lot of power over your happiness?” Yikes!
I’ll never forget him telling me I needed to avoid All-or-Nothing thinking and start thinking in shades of gray -- not “50 Shades of Grey” by the way. Ha! Believing I was a failure when something fell short of perfection showed a huge sense of unworthiness.
Well, it definitely is a wake-up call realizing your cognitive distortions or false beliefs impact your mental health, causing anxiety or depression.
As I’ve aged , I’m getting better recognizing negative thinking in myself and others. Do you recognize any of these? Dr. David Burns does a good job of describing them in The Feeling Good Handbook.
1. Overgeneralization: You use words like “always” and “never.” You notice bird dung on your windshield. “Just my luck! Birds are always crapping on my car.”
2. Mental filter: Although you receive many positive comments, you focus on the one critical remark, obsessing about it for days.
3. Discounting the positive: If you do a good job, you tell yourself it wasn’t good enough, someone else could have done better.
4. Jumping to Conclusions: You predict things will go wrong. You conclude someone is reacting negatively to you without any proof.
5. Magnification: You exaggerate the importance of your problem.
6. Emotional reasoning: You assume your negative emotion reflects the truth. “I’m so afraid of flying. Air planes must be dangerous.”
7. Should Statements: You tell yourself things should be how you expect them to be.
8. Labeling: You attach negative labels to yourself or others. “I’m a loser.” “He’s a jerk.”
9. Personalization: You hold yourself responsible for something that is not under your control. “He wouldn’t have beaten me if I had cleaned the house.”
Oh, guess what? I saw that lanky, long-haired snoozing kid in the newspaper for getting a perfect attendance award at his job. I guess he wasn’t a jerk, and I should have done better. Oh no, there I go again… Ha!
It’ll Be OK.
~~~
“My therapist said true inner peace comes from finishing what you start. So I finished 2 bags of M&M’s and the chocolate cake. I feel better. “ ~ Dave Barry
COMMENT: HAVE YOU EVER CAUGHT YOURSELF IN DISTORTED THINKING?
This is great, Jan! You would enjoy Dr. Alison Cook. She has a couple of podcast episodes that have to do with just the subject. When we focus on the fox beliefs and the negative inner critic. The Best of You Podcast. 🤗
Jan, David Burns book and workbook are, in my opinion, some of the best resources for those who are needing to get clear on their distortions, and how to address them. His discussion of distortions was incredibly helpful for me, and still is.