How We Stayed Married

We Argued Our Way There

Photo: Sunset on Sanibel Island, Florida, February 14, 2026

You might call us the modern-day Bickersons — the contentious, yet deeply connected couple in the hit radio comedy series back in the 1940’s- 50’s. John and Blanche bickered about everything from who left the lights on to who ate the last slice of bread. Blanche was known for waking John up in the middle of the night to complain about his snoring. I can relate. Over the years, I’ve developed an awesome “you’re-snoring-again” cough.

With all our verbal sparing, the “we never fight” crowd is probably surprised we’re celebrating our 59th wedding anniversary today. Hallelujah!

Surprisingly, in this age when less than half of all marriages in the United States last 25 years, researcher report respectful bickering, playful banter and passionate debate might actually help some couples communicate their different perspectives better.

Just recently, when I was at a local school’s musical, I noticed the “dumb” trees my husband made some 15-20 years ago for my Star Players’ production of Babes in Toyland. I chuckled remembering one of our bickering conversations.

“Honey, I need three trees for my play.”

“So?”

“Geesh. It can’t be it’s that hard to build three trees.”

“Well, how tall do these dumb trees have to be?”

“Tall enough to look like a tree. And make sure they’re really lightweight. I’m going to cover them with chicken wire and papier mache. And they have to be sturdy. Oh, and we have to be able to move them around the stage quickly.”

“Damnit, Jan. When do these dumb trees have to be done?”

I finally heard hammering in the garage one day.

“Hey, what are those pieces of wood sticking straight out? Are those suppose to be the limbs? They look stupid.”

“Because they’re dumb trees, Jan. Do YOU want to re-make them?”

Honestly, we both laughed at this old story.

Like those “dumb” trees that are still traveling from one theatre to another — rebuilt, repaired — after all these years, we’ve survived some nicks here and there too. And, thankfully, we are sturdy, able to adjust pretty quickly. We’re solid. I think maybe our “barking” has created a type of protection, a kind that allows us to feel safe, able to tell each other anything.

Not everyone can stand bickering, playful banter and passionate debate. It’s not their style. I get it. But if it works for you, don’t worry.

It’ll Be OK.

Happy Anniversary, Stoney! You’re the best. I love you. ~js

“Honey, what’s our password?”

“Our Anniversary date.”

“She did this on purpose.”

~ Mark Parisi