DO YOU LIKE YOUR BODY?

As It Ages

Jan Stoneburner

Feb 26, 2026

I lied.

I told you I finally accepted my aging body.

Photo: Weather-beaten pirate at the Sanibel Island Marina

Jun 13, 2022

Oh boy, I was shocked when I first noticed my once flat teenage stomach starting to look like a football, then a full-blown matt ball. When I began shopping for larger sizes along with wearing my shirts untucked, my daughter reassured me I had small legs. I didn’t find it funny back then that I looked like a Tootsie Pop.

So, I tried bargaining with God: “I promise, God, I’ll work out and watch my diet if You help me look younger.” In the beginning I loved going up to TALK to Melissa at US Fitness; but when she insisted we do aerobics, I had a hard time getting both of my feet going in the same direction. When I almost decapitated a guy with one of those big exercise balls, I called it quits. (I have to say the Advocare Cleanse really did help -- until I started sneaky sips of Pepsi when I thought God wasn’t looking.)

Timing must be everything – because it took me less than a week at the beach this year to realize that JOYFUL, beautiful people come in all different shapes and sizes.

~ There was the biggest man I’ve ever seen trying to fit under a beach umbrella as his wife emptied a whole can of suntan spray on him. He grinned ear to ear as a tattooed lady happily gyrated on his bisceps.

~ I was really afraid an osprey would swoop down & mistake the tiny old lady wearing a droopy bathing suit and a mammoth hat for a tasty morsel -- after she crouched down to look at seashells. When she stood back up holding a beautiful Lace Murex in her wrinkled hand, I noticed her eyes were sparkling.

~ And you could actually feel the excitement coming from the guy wearing a safari hat, dressed in camouflage, when he was looking through binoculars at the dolphins jumping in the wake of the Sanibel Thriller. He was definitely ready to capture life in the camera hanging around his pencil-like neck and in the shell bag resting on his protruding hip.

Grief is such a powerful emotional and physical reaction to the loss of someone or something. Often people don’t even realize they are grieving when they have loss something like a job, their faith or a friendship. In our body-obsessed society many of us have to grieve the loss of our youthful appearance. But once we go through the stages of grief, we can accept our aging bodies as the imperfect, but wonderful vessels that hold WHO WE REALLY ARE.

Thankfully, the day has finally come for me -- I’m never buying another woman’s magazine with a cover that says “9-Week Plan to a Strong, Sexy You,” and I can proudly dance along the shoreline to my new anthem “This Is Me” from “The Greatest Showman.”

When my daughter reassured me that I looked cute in my new beach hat -- like the old lady from the movie “Fried Green Tomatoes” -- I just laughed because I could still remember Evelyn yelling at the two young chicks trying to take her parking space, “I’m older and I have more insurance.”

Acceptance can be a wonderful thing.

But the truth is somewhere in the last few years I fell off the “This Is Me” confidence train, and I started focusing AGAIN on my “aging-even-more” body. OMG I can’t believe it, I almost considered pulling my wrinkled neck back with duct tape — when the teeny-weeny cosmetic tape I bought wasn’t strong enough. Ha! And the “every color you can buy” turtle necks I ordered from Amazon almost became my daily uniform for awhile. Like the hurricane that blew through Sanibel at 160 mph, my swirling, negative thoughts quickly wiped out all my progress. Darn!

There is good news. On a recent trip to Sanibel my daughter reassured me I still had small legs and looked cute in my hat. I might have to accept the fact that I look a bit more like a fudgsicle than a tootsie pop now, however. When I spotted more joyful people with big tattoos, crooked hips, tummy rolls, and droopy drawers enjoying life on the beach, I remembered a quote my aging mom gave me once that made me feel better:

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming 'Wow! What a Ride!'" ~ Hunter S. Thompson

So grab your goggles and your giggles, Folks.

Let’s Ride!